i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
