dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
