those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you would pick up someone in the library
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
