he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
