i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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