Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
