I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
