I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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