Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
