your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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