I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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