my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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