I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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