Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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