butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
