He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
