i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
