dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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