p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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