I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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