Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
