It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
