Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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