420 ftw
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
