I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
