watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
