Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
