What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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