WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
