I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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