I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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