id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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