I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
