oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
