Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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