I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
