guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
