U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
People in love make me want to vomit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
