Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
