What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
