i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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