hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
