just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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