i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
