I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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