Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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