so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
