i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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