beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
