How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
