she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
