I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
